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Britney 2.0
Season Four, Episode Two

First Aired	September 20, 2012
Episode Guide
previous "The New Rachel"	next "Makeover"

Britney 2.0 is the second episode of Glee's fourth season, and the sixty-eighth episode overall. It premiered on September 20, 2012.

After Brittany is kicked out of the Cheerios, she wants to find inspiration from Britney Spears again to cheer herself up. In this second Britney Spears tribute episode, New Directions perform Britney songs in hopes of cheering up Brittany. Being kicked out of the Cheerios and daring to perform lead with New Directions for the pep assembly for the beginning of the year (instead lip-syncing), is surely not the Brittany we know. Jake and Marley perform a sweet number together, but will their relationship continue to grow? Rachel shows Cassandra her sexy side when Kurt reveals to Rachel about Cassandra's breakdown and her dance teacher motivates Rachel by telling her she has no sex appeal.

The episode was directed by Alfonso Gomez-Rejon and written by Brad Falchuk.

Plot

The episode starts off with a voiceover about Brittany staying but being popular in WMHS. After it started to turn into an awkward said-aloud narration heard by Blaine, to which she claimed "I thought I was having a voiceover" about how she's going to remain as 'Vice-Rachel' in Glee Club, Head Cheerio, and Senior Class President, she talks about how she missed Santana and how hard it had got without her, she then began singing Hold It Against Me with the Cheerios by starting with the infamous Britney quote, "It's Britney, bitch."

By the time the song ended and Sue commenting it as 'garbage,' Brittany was called to Sue's office, only to find that in the most recent Algebra test, Becky made her way up to a C+, whereas Brittany drew an ideal picture where Maths doesn't exist, and subsequently returned a F-. Sue attributed the Cheerios' average grade lowering for 3 points to Brittany, and kicked her off the team and gave the head spot to Kitty after she tolerated her for a year due to her baby's hormones. Back at Brittany's home, Santana was seen skype-ing with her, though it turned out to be a short conversation as Santana is busy.

The scene cuts to the dance class in NYADA, with Cassandra July teaching Tango, but omitting Rachel due to the scarcity of male partners and her 'lack of sex appeal,' which is what the dance is all about. Though Rachel tries to protest, Cassandra bluntly tells Rachel that she looks ashamed of her sex appeal.

Back at McKinley, Brittany enters Emma's office in an extra-large t-shirt saying "World's Best Grandma" and baggy jeans. Will reassures Brittany that just because she got kicked out of the Cheerios, it doesn't mean she's out of Glee club, and Emma hands her pamphlet titled "So You Feel Like

Crap." Will suggests she and Emma meet daily but Brittany claims she doesn't have time. She then leaves the office, setting up another said-aloud voiceover. Will and Emma talk about how Brittany has lost her identity, and Emma comes up with an idea, "We need to bring Britney back."

So, Will enters Glee club with the news that Principal Figgins wants the New Directions to perform at the homecoming assembly again and has decided that they will perform Britney Spears songs as an assignment and at the assembly. As Brittany tucks into a bag of chocolate sandwich cookies, Blaine and Artie start Britney week off with a mash up, Boys/Boyfriend. When the song finishes, Brittany proclaims she wants to recreate the awesomeness of Britney Spears.

In NYC, Rachel and Kurt are happily riding on bikes in their new apartment. A few hours later, they are sitting together drinking champagne and talking. Kurt says he hasn't heard from Finn and has heard from Blaine that the glee club are doing Britney Spears songs again. Rachel exclaims that it feels like a long time since they were in the choir room. Kurt then tells her that he is planning to reapply for NYADA for the second semester and in the meantime, take up an internship at Vogue.com. Rachel tells Kurt about how much she can't stand Cassandra, and it turns out Kurt has actually heard of the teacher. We flash back to ten years ago when she was in the middle of a performance, which was interrupted by an old man's cellphone, and Cassandra threatened to kick him out. Kurt advises Rachel to give Cassandra the sexiness she wants.

At McKinley, Unique and Marley are having a conversation on which boys in school they like and Marley admits she likes Jake. Unique tells Marley that he is already breaking girls' hearts despite being in the school for just two weeks, so he's a womanizer, setting the stage for our next Glee-fied Britney number Womanizer. During the performance, Unique and Tina is leading the way for Marley and showing her that Jake is a womanizer. They finish off the song in the gymnasium and at the end of the song, Jake says that Marley and him should hang out some time. Marley quickly nods her head and says yes, much to Unique and Tina's disapproval.

Added by Unicornianleague

Back in NYC, Rachel seeks Brody's assistance while he does sit-ups. Rachel asks him a favour and explains that Cassandra doesn't think Rachel's sexy enough and she wants Brody to dance with her in class. Brody quickly says that "Cassie" would not let any Upperclassmen perform in her class. Rachel quickly apologises, but when Brody sees her performance, he changes his mind and agrees, leaving Rachel with a content expression. 3 is then sung by Tina, Sam and Joe in the choir room while New Directions watches. Brittany looks unsettled throughout the performance. Towards the end of the song, she gets up, confusing everyone. She goes to the corner of the choir room, plugs in a shaver into the powerpoint and is just about to shave her hair like Britney Spears did when Will stops her. New Directions is in shock, Brittany explaining that Coach Sylvester has taken away her high pony and if she hasn't got that high pony, she doesn't want anymore of her hair. She raises the shaver again and this time, everyone screams.

When Brittany gets out of class, Jacob Ben Israel begins to interview her, pissing Brittany off to a breaking point. Just like Britney Spears did, she continually tries to get away from the interview, camera (paparazzi) but fails to do so and begins to hit Jacob. Artie, Blaine and Tina watch from the side and ponder on whether to bystand or do something. But Tina tells Blaine and Artie not to worry about it, because Jacob deserves it. Artie nods in agreement but says Brittany misses being in the spotlight in the cheerios and they should give the solo at the assembly to Brittany. While Brittany hits Jacob with an umbrella, Jake is seen on a scooter, riding through the hallways in the school. Will stops him and tells him there's no scootering in the hallways. Will explains that biology class is the other way, to which Jake says he is protesting on that class. Mr. Schuester says that he is disappointed because he searched Jake's files and Jake isn't attending any of those core classes. Jake says he isn't looking to change and Mr. Schue should stop getting on his back. Will says Puck was a trainwreck and was worse than Jake, but even at Puck's worse, he had a community, he had friends. But Jake shrugs and scoots away.

At the McKinley High Football Field Stands, Jake walks up with a guitar, towards Marley, who is seated in one of the stands. Marley says that she nearly didn't come because Unique and Tina says Jake wasn't the right person. They have a little chat and Marley says it is "Britney Spears" week in Glee Club to which Jake says that he actually prefers music with actual instruments. Marley laughs and says he hasn't heard her version of "U Drive Me Crazy." He says "I know I do." Jake begins to play the guitar and both sing a mashup, Crazy/U Drive Me Crazy.They have a few playful and fun moments and at the end of the song, they nearly kiss, but Marley pulls away, saying it suddenly got cold up here. Jake then hands his jacket to her, Marley grinning.

Back in the choir room, Brittany is just incredibly depressed and insane. New Directions is worried about her. They surround the piano, while they watch Brittany sitting on the choir room chairs. She holds an incredibly large Lima Bean coffee and holds an iPhone with a cheap version of 'Siri'; Kiki, which is specially designed to agree with her on everything. She constantly asks questions to Kiki, and Kiki replies much to Brittany's approval. New Directions say they are worried about the way she is living now and that they'll give her the assembly solo. Brittany says she wants to lip sync like Britney Spears did at the VMAs, but Blaine says they don't lip sync in Glee Club. Brittany than asks Kiki if it's a good idea to lip sync. Kiki says it is not a good idea, much to New Directions relief. Then two seconds later, Kiki says, it is not a good idea, but a great idea, New Directions disappointed.

Rachel comes to class late later, dressed up in stripped down clothes. Cassandra explains that she is late and dressed up like a Walgreens underwear model. Brody accompanies her as Cassandra asks why Brody is here. Rachel explains the situation. Rachel says the only reason why she is dressed up like that is because she wanted to show Cassandra how sexy she actually is to play Evita, Roxy and Charity. Cassandra asks Rachel to show her what she prepared. Cassandra sits down, looking unsatisfied, but watches anyways. Rachel and the NYADA students including Brody begin to perform Oops!... I Did It Again, Rachel singing the solo while the others dance. A lot of sexy moves are included, tables used too. Cassandra continually watches unimpressed and a bit jealous.

At the end of the performance, Rachel asks what Cassandra thinks and if she's ready to learn the tango. Cassandra sharply replies, "Yeah, you can memorise the routine, so what?" Brody then speaks up for Rachel, saying Rachel was incredible. Cassandra says that Brody was incredible, Rachel was instead, "okay." She says

that the song was garbage and asks who idea it was to perform it. When Cassandra tells Rachel the levels that are appropriate for Rachel's sex appeal, Rachel bursts out. "You're just jealous of me! Of all of us!" Brody tries to stop her, but Rachel continues her rant. "No, because we have our entire careers ahead of us, and yours ended before it even began, we're the future, and you're just some YouTube joke!" Rachel says without stopping. Cassandra is speechless at this point, her devilish smile, wiped from her face. "You're done. Get out of my class. Get out of my class. Out!" Rachel, shocked, storms out, Brody following her. At McKinley, Mrs. Rose serves food to some Football Team members. They continually make fun of her until Marley arrives, telling them off for teasing her mum. The Football Team members make one last joke as Jake forces them to apologise. Jake then changes his mind and a huge riot begins. Will arrives in time, grabbing Jake to the choir room. Jake explains he doesn't deserve to see Figgins, but Will says he isn't bringing Jake to

Figgins. In the choir room, Puck says "He brought you to see me," much to Jake's surprisement. Will leaves the two brothers together as Puck begins to lecture Jake. Puck says that he is the original badass, worse than Jake, but because of his ways, Mr. Schue introduced Glee Club, where Puck had to sing songs he hated and sit next to a large bunch of losers. But that's what changed Puck and as Noah Puckerman leaves the room, he says to Jake that even though he may or may not join the glee club, Puck still cares cause Jake is his brother. This leaves Jake speechless.

At the assembly pep rally, Figgins speaks to the school in the gymnasium, introducing New Directions. Before he begins, he dismisses a quick rumour about himself. Backstage, Brittany continually feeds herself cheetos and drinks from a large bottle. New Directions asks why she isn't stretching and preparing, Brittany saying she'll be fine. When the curtain opens, New Directions performs Gimme More. The performance is similar to Britney Spears 2007 VMAs performance. New Directions lip syncs along with Brittany. Brittany drinks and eats at the same time, as well as sing. Kitty watches carefully, with a suspicious face. Brittany constantly forgets moves, or steps in the wrong direction, eating cheetos at the same time. Emma, Will and Sue watch with shocked faces. In the heat of the moment, Brittany starts falling, and Kitty stands up, points and accuses them of lip-syncing. Unique then grabs the drink off Brittany as New Directions is booed off stage. Brittany carrying cheetos and flinging them around as Kitty watches with satisfaction. Blaine quickly covers the stage with curtains.

Will, purely disappointed later in Glee Club. He lectures them saying that in the history of the McKinley High Glee Club, there has never been such a bigger disaster than what happened at the assembly. He asks Brittany what she has to say for herself. Brittany says she'll therefore resign from New Directions, to Will's confusement. Sam seems to be thinking of something.

Cassandra is seen practicing some dance moves at NYADA in front of a mirror when she sees Rachel behind her. Cassandra says "I'm working." Rachel apologises for all the things she had said to Miss July for they were completely wrong and out of line. Rachel says she felt like Cassandra was picking on her for no reason. Cassandra tells Rachel to stop talking. "Look. You lost it and you lashed out. Same as I did ten years ago. Except, all it took for you to snap was a little honest feedback and excuse me, dance class. And you expect to make it on broadway? Where all there is is scrutiny and judgement? And what if someone taped you a little

earlier? And posted it on the internet? You'd never get cast...You have one chance... You screw it up... You're done...You're that crazy actress...And why would anybody want to work with you?" Cassandra says while she moves. Rachel looks disappointed and regretful as Cassandra lecturres her. Rachel says Miss July was good and Cassandra said that she was great and asks Rachel to come closer. "But it doesn't make a difference, cause I wasn't ready for the pressure. Believe me.. It's a WHOLE lot more vicious out there than it is in here, that's why I pick on my students. I want them to be ready..." Cassandra says. While she says this, Rachel assists her as she does a few stretches. Cassandra says Rachel is not ready yet and if she had a choice, Cassandra wouldn't let Rachel back in class because she doesn't believe in second chances and she knows they don't exist. Unfortunately for Cassandra, the school policy said that Rachel gets a warning. Rachel gives an expression of relief. "So you're in an on probation and dance duty. Handwash all of them." Cassandra tells Rachel. Rachel nods, as she is dismissed, Cassandra calling her "Schwimmer" again and telling Rachel not to forget the hamper on the way out. Brittany looks at a map and as she places it down, Sam's face is seen. They meet at the auditorium. Sam says he knows what Brittany is up to, for she is hitting up rock-bottom. Brittany nods and says so she'll make a glorious comeback just like Britney.

Brittany says that Britney Spears recovered from her breakdown and rose her way to the top, paid $4 million to go on the X Factor and Britney has perfume that you can smell from miles away. Sam stops her, grabs her box full of food and tells Brittany that this is the last stop for Brittany's trainwreck disaster. Brittany lies her head on Sam, thanking him. Brittany says she's ready for the comeback but she's upset that nearly everyone is mad at her, but Sam understood her. He laughs, saying it's because they just think the same way. She agrees, saying it's probably because they're both blonde. Brittany than says Santana would've understood her better and got to anyone who went against Brittany. She goes to say that she misses the little things, including lady sex but Santana was also her best friend. Sam smiles and says that now Brittany has a new friend, and better, he's blonde. Brittany looks confused, until Sam says that he's talking about himself and saying she should try to get back on the Cheerios.

Back in Sue's office, Brittany faces Sue. "I am here to inform you of your legal requirement to restore my high pony and put me back on the cheerios." Sue answers back, "I beg your pardon?" Brittany explains she studied a bit and says that the McKinley High Senior Class President continues their reign if they don't graduate. Brittany never graduated, so technically, she is still president. Brittany shows the sheets and asks Coach Sylvester to put her back on the Cheerios. Sue sits Brittany down and tells her it's a plan of an idiot but a plan nonetheless. Sue says if Brittany wants to be in the Cheerios, she has to graduate by the end of the year, meaning she has to turn those grades around. Brittany tells Sue that Emma and Will are now spending one afternoon a week tutoring her. Brittany then shows her C- on her US History test, saying she did it in English instead of her secret language she invented. Sue then says, "Brittany, welcome back," with a grin. Brittany says "Thank you" in that language of hers, smiling.

Later in Rachel and Kurt's apartment, Rachel stares at her wall with a sodden expression. She painted Finn's name and a green and yellow love heart around it and asks Kurt what he thinks. "Am I being too obvious?" Rachel asks with a smile. Kurt explains once again, that Finn hasn't called her cause he loves her, not because he has forgetten about her. "Your freedom is the gift he has given you. Accept it!" Kurt says. Rachel says it's so much freedom all at once that it feels like severe loneliness. Kurt then gives in to a grin saying that the only cure to loneliness is cake and that there's a great Italian bakery down the street. Rachel gives a squeal and says only

if Kurt doesn't mind going out at night. The door then knocks as Kurt answers, and Brody stands with some orchids. Kurt then quickly tells him that he was going to go get cake and leaves Rachel and Brody alone. Brody examines the area and says it's huge. He specifically sees the "Finn" with hearts around it. He says it took 45 minutes for him to get here which surprises Rachel, as he took that long just to see her. Brody hands the orchid, saying it is good luck in a new place and the orchids are kind of sexy. Before Rachel sends him out, he tells her something that he didn't feel appropriate saying over text. "That I... I really liked dancing with you. And I think that you're... I think that you're really sexy...And..." Brody says as he leans in to kiss Rachel. Rachel pulls away though, saying she can't. "I think you are amazing and..and..very, VERY, very sexy. It's just.." Rachel replies. Brody then points at the painting Rachel did and murmurs "But you're still in love with your boyfriend...." Brody then explains he will respect Rachel's boundaries but he says she should know that when they're together, whatever they're talking about and whatever they're doing, he's thinking about kissing her. He tells her to enjoy the orchid as he leaves. Jake walks down the McKinley Hallways and meets Marley at her locker. He asks if he may sit next to her in Glee Club because he doesn't know anybody else. She grins and says that she didn't know she had that much of a powerful effect on him.

Jake says it wasn't her, disappointing Marley, but he quickly says "but it helped" and he says he always get these feelings to punch someone, or steal a cop car or kiss someone. He says New Directions Glee Club might help all those feelings go away, even though it sucks balls. Marley promises it isn't that bad as she retrieves books from her locker and says he should stick with her and she'll help him get through it. "It's nice to have a friend looking out for me," Jacob says. "Well, I owe you for what you did for my mom," Marley replies back as Kitty watches from her locker, pissed off. Then Marley realizes she is still wearing Jake's jacket when he gave it to her before. Jake shrugs and says it looks good on her. Kitty strolls over and says "But it looks better on me." Marley turns her head as Kitty announces that Jake and her are dating now, and asks if Jake told her. Marley looks at Jake with an upset face. She quickly says he didn't, finding it hard to speak the words. "It isn't really my style to put a label on-" Jake says before Marley speaks. "You two make a good couple," she says. Her voice, shaken and tears can be felt on the verge of her eyes. She takes off the jacket, hands it to Kitty and quickly walks away, upset. When the bell rings, Jake walks into the choir room as Will introduces him. Marley looks shaken from before, Sam telling Jake that he was best friends with his brother and asks if it's weird that Sam knows a lot more better than him.

Joe then comes in and says "God made you and God doesn't make mistakes." Jake looks confused and uncomfortable as he looks on at the rest of New Directions. Their expressions are shown, even Brad's, all except Marley's. After that scene, Marley asks if she could perform one more Britney number, to which Artie says "Did that come out this morning, cause we scraped the bottom of that Britney barrel..." But Marley says it's one of her favorite songs. She proceeds to the stool near the piano, Jake watching her, regretful. She begins to sing Everytime. During the performance, we see Rachel in NYADA class as she sits alone, watching everyone tango. Miss July then tells a boy to go dance with her, and Rachel grins and dances as Cassandra observes her dancing, Rachel and Cassandra's relationship, lighter. Brody watches Rachel from the outside, grinning and with an upset expression. Back at Brittany's house, Brittany looks at her laptop screen, searching for Santana on iChat. At the McKinley High Football Field Stands, Marley watches Jake serenade Kitty on the football field, Kitty wearing Jake's jacket. Marley is lost and completely sad. And last, Rachel in her and Kurt's apartment, painting over Finn's name on the wall as the episode ends.

Songs

Song Title	Original Artist	Performer(s)
Hold It Against Me	Britney Spears	Brittany Pierce with the Cheerios
Boys/Boyfriend	Britney Spears/Justin Bieber	Artie Abrams and Blaine Anderson with New Directions Boys
Womanizer	Britney Spears	Wade "Unique" Adams, Tina Cohen-Chang and Marley Rose with the WMHS Girls
3	Britney Spears	Tina Cohen-Chang, Joe Hart, and Sam Evans
Crazy/U Drive Me Crazy	Aerosmith/Britney Spears	Jake Puckerman and Marley Rose
Oops!... I Did It Again	Britney Spears	Rachel Berry
Gimme More		Brittany Pierce with New Directions
Everytime		Marley Rose

Britney 2.0 (EP) is an album of all these songs that was released on iTunes on the 18th of September 2012.

Guest Cast

Special Guest Stars

Kate Hudson as Cassandra July

Guest Stars

Co-Stars

Kyle Burnard as Chris
Ryan Heinke as Stoner Brett
Daniel Curtis Lee as Phil Lipoff
Jesse Luken as Bobby Surette
Richard Stiasny as Older Gentleman

Uncredited

Neil Parker as Wes Fahey

Absent Cast Members

Trivia

This is the second Britney Spears tribute, the first being Britney/Brittany.
- This makes Britney Spears the only artist to have two tribute episodes on Glee to date.
- Just like Britney/Brittany, this episode is the second of its season.
- Both episodes include Brittany singing a solo (I'm A Slave 4 U, Hold It Against Me, and Gimme More), Rachel singing a solo (Baby One More Time, and Oops!... I Did It Again), Artie singing (Stronger and Boys/Boyfriend), a same gender duet (Me Against the Music, Boys/Boyfriend), and a group number with Brittany on Female Lead (Toxic and Gimme More)
- Both episodes also include at least one song not by Spears (The Only Exception, Boyfriend, and Crazy).
- Both episodes reference Chris Crocker's "Leave Britney Alone!" video.
This is the first episode to air exactly a year after an episode from the previous season. This episode aired on September 20, 2012 while The Purple Piano Project, aired on September 20, 2011.
Tina wears the dress she wore during You Can't Stop The Beat again.
As of this episode, Glee has sung at least one song from each of Britney Spears' studio albums, and one song from one of her compilations.
- Baby One More Time and U Drive Me Crazy from the album "...Baby One More Time"
- Oops!... I Did It Again and Stronger from the album "Oops!... I Did it Again"
- I'm A Slave 4 U and Boys from the album "Britney"
- Me Against the Music, Toxic, and Everytime from the album "In The Zone"
- Gimme More from the album "Blackout"
- Womanizer from the album "Circus"
- 3 from the album "Britney: The Singles Collection"
- Hold It Against Me from the album "Femme Fatale"
Every member of New Directions present in the episode sings a solo.
The downward spiral Brittany undergoes in this episode is very reminiscent and alike to Britney's experience.
- Brittany attempted to shave her head just like Britney Spears did.
- As Brittany was walking in the hallway right after she attempted to shave her head, she was chased by Jacob. Brittany was saying, "no comment" (the exact words Britney Spears always used when she was dismissing the paparazzi) as a dismiss to Jacob.
- Brittany, provoked by the obtrusiveness of Jacob Ben Israel, attacks him with an umbrella, just like Britney Spears who attacked a paparazzi's car and driver with an umbrella. The umbrella used by Brittany was of the same green colour as the one Britney used when she attacked the paparazzi Source.
- In the hallway, as Brittany is attacking Jacob, Wes Fahey yells at him to "Leave Brittany alone!" which is reminiscent to the viral video, "Leave Britney Alone! " of Chris Crocker.
- Brittany lip-syncs so badly and dances clumsily during the performance of "Gimme More," reminiscent to Britney Spears' infamous performance at the MTV Awards of 2007 where she performed the same song, also forgot her choreography and was so out-of-sync that it was obvious she was lip-syncing. The crowd who booed the performance represents the press, media, and audience who panned that performance of Britney Spears. The said performance spawned numerous headlines and degraded Britney's image.
There are at least three So You Think You Can Dance all-stars dancing in the Oops!... I Did It Again number. They also appear in All That Jazz.
Dean Geyer was a little shy during the filming of the Oops!... I Did It Again number, and Lea had to tell him "Why aren't your hands on me? It's OK. You can actually touch me!." A few moments later, when asked by Dean how far down he could drop her as she split open her legs, she told him: "Don't you worry. I can go all the way down to the floor." And she did.
This is the first tribute episode Santana doesn't sing in.
This episode got a 2.9 rating with a total of 7.46 million viewers. Source

Errors

The map Sam gave to Brittany says "Meet me hear" instead of "Meet me here" however it could just be because Sam is dyslexic, though it was spelled correctly on the right side of the page.
Kurt says that a video which was uploaded to YouTube ended Cassandra July's career ten years ago. However, YouTube was only launched in 2005, mere seven years prior to this episode.

Quotes

“	Brittany: [to the camera] My name is Brittany S. Pierce and I finally know how Jesus feels in his house way up at the North Pole because I am on top of the world. Senior year was awesome and now I get to relive every minute of it. I'm Head Cheerio, Vice Rachel of the glee club and now I'm planning a Middle East-style sham election that will install me as senior class president for life. Blaine: Brittany, who are you talking to? Brittany: I thought I was doing a voiceover.	”
—Brittany and Blaine, Britney 2.0

“	Sue: I hold in my hand the most recent algebra test of one Becky Jackson. Our plucky little Ewok waddled her way to a respectable C plus. Your performance on the very same exam unearthed the hitherto undiscovered grade: F minus.You answered every question with 'See Other Side,' where you composed an elaborate crayon-scape entitled Happyville: The Town Where Math Was Never Invented.	”
—Sue to Brittany, Britney 2.0

“	Brittany your a terrible role model for the Cherrios	”
—Sue Sylvester, Britney 2.0

“	Sue: My girls no longer see academic achievement as a worthy goal and yesterday I caught one of them trying to marry a squirrel. Brittany: That's because I believe in marriage equality for all land mammals.	”
—Sue and Brittany, Britney 2.0

“	Brittany: Tough love feels a lot like mean.	”
—Brittany to Sue, Britney 2.0

“	Brittany: I'm not speaking to you. I know you joined a gang.	”
—Brittany to Lord Tubbington, Britney 2.0

“	Brittany: Sorry I'm late. Somebody took my compass.	”
—Brittany to Will and Emma, Britney 2.0

“	Brittany: I started taking Lord Tubbington's pills for feline depression.	”
—Brittany to Will and Emma, Britney 2.0

“	Brittany: After school I'm hopping into bed, eating cashews and bacon and then watching The Client List marathon.	”
—Brittany to Will and Emma, Britney 2.0

“	Rachel: What's the crime rate like in this neighborhood? It looks a little shady. Kurt: It's better than Detroit and Damascus.	”
—Rachel and Kurt, Britney 2.0

“	Rachel: New York Domino's is so much better than Lima Domino's. Kurt: It's the water.	”
—Rachel and Kurt, Britney 2.0

“	Brittany: [about to shave her hair a la Britney] Coach Sylvester's taken away my high pony. If I can't have my high pony, I don't want any hair at all.	”
—Brittany, Britney 2.0

“	Brittany: [to her phone] Kiki, why is everybody staring at me? Kiki: [in an automated African-American accent] Because those fools are jealous. Tina: Who's Kiki? Brittany: Kiki is Siri's super-smart older cousin who's really jealous of how famous Siri's gotten. She lives inside this super cheap phone I found at the laundromat.	”
—Brittany, Kiki and Tina, Britney 2.0

“	Brittany: My voice is too weak to sing live. I've been up every night this week yelling at the shrubs in my yard that have been making fun of me.	”
—Brittany, Britney 2.0

“	Jake: What song is it?. Marley: You drive me crazy. Jake: I know I do.	”
—Jake and Marley, Britney 2.0

“	Cassandra: Maria von Trapp, Willy Loman, Shrek: Those are the roles that are appropriate for your level of sex appeal.	”
—Cassandra to Rachel, Britney 2.0

“	Puck: You think you're a bad-ass? Nailing a bunch of chicks, beating up some punks in the cafeteria? I'm the original bad-ass! I had my first threesome at 7 and once I beat up a police horse.	”
—Puck to Jake, Britney 2.0

“	Puck: I rode my motorcycle, played my ax, I banged every chick in this place twice. And you know what? None of it made me a man. What made me a man was sitting here in this room, singing songs I hated next to the biggest collection of losers you've ever seen.	”
—Puck to Jake, Britney 2.0

“	Puck: I gotta get back to L.A. I got a date with the chick who was third runner-up on The Bachelor.	”
—Puck to Jake, Britney 2.0

“	Principal Figgins: I wish to address the rumor that I like to be milked like a cow because my breasts are filled with delicious, wholesome milk. That rumor is untrue.	”
—Principal Figgins, Britney 2.0

“	Brittany: I got a C minus on my U.S. History exam which the teacher bumped up two whole letter grades because I wrote in English instead of my secret language I invented in middle school.	”
—Brittany to Sue, Britney 2.0