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The New Rachel - GLEE RECAP SONG
September 24, 2012
My original Glee recap song (and 2D video) for S04E01 "The New Rachel."
THE NEW RACHEL LYRICS
Season three did me in
There was too much to take for this old Jim
It made my blood every week.
A break from the show is what I had in mind
But the season four premiere is here and I'm inclined to
Get back to being a singing Gleek
I'm gonna keep it together, remain real calm
Resist all my urges to facepalm
A new me
No matter how many inconsistencies
I'll recite my mantra "It's just TV"
It's not that deep
I've said that before
But now that it is season four
I'm feelin' sunny
Perhaps I've matured
No longer want to scream I'm bored
When "Glee's" not funny.
So now it's time for me to dig in
And I don't even know where to begin
There's a million new faces for me to meet
[That's a good thing!]
Like Kitty the new pretty girl replacing Quinn
And a hot headed little brother Puckerman
whose plotline feels a little like a repeat
[More like a greatest hit!]
The lunch lady's daughter wears a newsies cap
Gets mad when New Directions calls her mom fat
[Wait. What?! New Directions did that? Jim, just breathe. Just breathe.]
When did Blaine and Artie get mean and cruel
This is when I start to call the writers fools!
[But, that was the old me. The new me?]
And counting to ten!
I don't want to crack again!
Keep it happy!
I'll just pretend
That "Glee's" shortcomings are on the mend
Rachel's in the Big Apple and grapples with her drama teacher
Kate Hudson's featured as the meanie who's demeaning her
Kate's a drinker, can't wait for scenes at AA meetings
Rachel meets a hot naked guy so that'll lead to cheating
Stop being so grim
The angry "Glee" fan shtick wears thin
And makes your songs dull
They messed with my gays!
(I'm sad Kurt moved away)
I'm dreading the fateful day
When Klaine's demise is formal
At least there's still "The New Normal."
Like I said, focusing on the positive
"Glee," this season I think we're gonna get along just fine.