Holly's Quotations is a collection of memorable quotes said by Holly Holliday, portrayed by Gwyneth Paltrow.

Season Two

It's not easy being a substitute teacher. Kids feel like they get the day off. They'll goof off... egg your car, cut class...break into your car, throw spitballs, put an alligator in your car. And I don't even have a nice car.

Holly Holliday, The Substitute

Holly: Rachel... you suck! Oh my god, you're like a total drag! Has no one ever told you that?
Puckerman: I have.

Holly with Puck to Rachel, The Substitute

Oh, Puckerman, here are the answers to the pop quiz I'll be giving in Spanish class later; it is so boring in there!

—Holly Holliday to Puck, The Substitute

Let's go get us some tacos!

Holly after sing Forget You, The Substitute

These kids feel special; they have a voice, and if we don't listen to it, they just tune us out.

Holly to Will, The Substitute

Last year a guy asked me to marry him. I moved.

Holly, The Substitute

Wow... your wife's kind of a bitch!

Holly, The Substitute

She looked like an attractive Biggie Smalls.

Holly to Will about Cameo, The Substitute

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to have crazy sex because I'm crazy informed about it. Kidding.

—Holly Holliday to Will and Emma., Sexy

I was gonna suggest clapping erasers, but you guys are mostly dry erase here, so...

Holly to Sue, The Substitute

Sex. It's just like hugging, only wetter.

—Holly Holliday, Sexy

Well, that's all going to end right here, right now, because today, we're gonna get under the covers, all together, and get the ditty on the dirty.

Holly to New Directions, Sexy

So, just remember, whenever you have sex with someone, you're having sex with everyone they've ever had sex with - and everybody's got a random.

—Holly Holliday to New Directions, Sexy

My sex tape with J. D. Salinger was a disaster.

—Holly Holliday to Puck and Lauren, Sexy

You don't want any of this. I'm damaged goods. Yes, that makes me terrific in bed, but it also means I tend to break nice guys like you into Wasa Crackers.

—Holly Holliday to Will, Sexy

Girlfriend, what is up with that? He's hot. You're thirty.

—Holly Holliday to Emma (about her lack of intimacy with Carl), Sexy

Okay look. I am not a doctor, okay? I don't even like doctor TV shows. Unless it's one of those ones where people strap bombs to their chest, I love those.

Holly to Carl and Emma, Sexy

My lips are sealed... just like your legs.

—Holly Holliday to Emma, Sexy

I spent three years sending hate mail to Debbie Gibson until she wrote me back and said the stress of my letters was giving her alopecia.

—Holly to Becky, Jacob, Azimio, ‎A Night of Neglect

I had giant hands so a lot of people thought I was a hermaphrodite but that wasn't true. Other people said that I was a Nazi sympathizer, that was true.

—Holly, as Wallis Simpson, ‎A Night of Neglect

I thought you'd never ask.

—Holly to Kurt, Rachel, Will, Santana and Brittany, The Substitute, Sexy and ‎A Night of Neglect

Season Five

Hola, clase.

Holly, The Substitute, Sexy and 100

April, thanks for buttering the floor for me, you know I like to make an entrance.

Holly to April, 100

Will: Holly, where have you been?
Holly: Oh I've been everywhere. I quit being a substitute teacher because I couldn't stand being tied down. I like teaching a room full of kids if I know I'm never going to see them again, but then if you're any good at it, they keep asking you back which kind of defeats the purpose, so I started my trademark: "Holly Holliday Teaching Pop Ups". I just show up at a classroom, unannounced, teach a lesson, and get the hell out of there. But once I found out Glee Club was ending, I ripped off my Pol Pot uniform, hopped on that first flight from Buenos Aries and came to pay my respects.

Will and Holly, 100

Rachel: Holly, we're singing our favorite songs we've sung before.
Holly: That's a terrible idea! Listen, that might be fine for you nerds, but when Holly Holliday's in town, this hot bitch is not looking in the rear view mirror, she's looking forward. Hit it!

Rachel and Holly, 100

Do you want to go get drunk, rob a bank and sail around the world on one of those gay-boy cruise ships? We’d be the only women there and get all the attention.

Holly to April, New Directions

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