I thought you'd never ask.

—Holly to Kurt, Rachel, Will, Santana and Brittany, The Substitute, Sexy & ‎A Night of Neglect

Holly: Rachel... you suck! Oh my god, you're like a total drag! Has no one ever told you that?
Puckerman: I have.

—Holly with Puck to Rachel, The Substitute

Oh, Puckerman, here are the answers to the pop quiz I'll be giving in Spanish class later; it is so boring in there!

—Holly Holliday to Puck, The Substitute

Let's go get us some tacos!

—Holly after sing Forget You, The Substitute

These kids feel special; they have a voice, and if we don't listen to it, they just tune us out.

—Holly to Will, The Substitute

Last year a guy asked me to marry him. I moved.

—Holly, The Substitute

Wow... your wife's kind of a bitch!

—Holly, The Substitute

She looked like an attractive Biggie Smalls.

—Holly to Will about Cameo, The Substitute

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to have crazy sex because I'm crazy informed about it. Kidding.

—Holly Holliday to Will and Emma., Sexy

I was gonna suggest clapping erasers, but you guys are mostly dry erase here, so...

—Holly to Sue, The Substitute

Sex. It's just like hugging, only wetter.

—Holly Holliday, Sexy

Well, that's all going to end right here, right now, because today, we're gonna get under the covers, all together, and get the ditty on the dirty.

—Holly to New Directions, Sexy

So, just remember, whenever you have sex with someone, you're having sex with everyone they've ever had sex with - and everybody's got a random.

—Holly Holliday to New Directions, Sexy

My sex tape with J. D. Salinger was a disaster.

—Holly Holliday to Puck and Lauren, Sexy

You don't want any of this. I'm damaged goods. Yes, that makes me terrific in bed, but it also means I tend to break nice guys like you into Wasa Crackers.

—Holly Holliday to Will, Sexy

Girlfriend, what is up with that? He's hot. You're thirty.

—Holly Holliday to Emma (about her lack of intimacy with Carl), Sexy

Okay look. I am not a doctor, okay? I don't even like doctor TV shows. Unless it's one of those ones where people strap bombs to their chest, I love those.

—Holly to Carl and Emma, Sexy

My lips are sealed... just like your legs.

—Holly Holliday to Emma, Sexy

I spent three years sending hate mail to Debbie Gibson until she wrote me back and said the stress of my letters was giving her alopecia.

—Holly to Becky, Jacob, Azimio, ‎A Night of Neglect

I had giant hands so a lot of people thought I was a hermaphrodite but that wasn't true. Other people said that I was a Nazi sympathizer, that was true.

—Holly, as Wallis Simpson, ‎A Night of Neglect