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Jacob's Quotations

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Jacob's Quotations are quotes said by Jacob Ben Israel, portrayed by Josh Sussman.

Season One

But how do you keep from... arriving early? Whenever I grind... Cinco de Mayo.

Jacob to Finn, Showmance

Rachel: You wanna know a dirty little secret none of them want you to know? Girls want sex just as much as guys do.
Jacob: Is that accurate?

Rachel and Jacob, Showmance

Now show me your over the shoulder boulder holder.

—Jacob to Rachel, The Rhodes Not Taken

The independent polling company in my Dockers has determined that you're the hottest girl in school.

—Jacob to Rachel, Throwdown

I feel the urge to kiss you. I'm just gonna go for it.

Jacob to Rachel, Throwdown

These still have the tags on them. I want Rachel Berry panties.

—Jacob to Rachel, Throwdown

Finn: Is it cool if I take my spot back?
Jacob: Quite. I was just here because I was just hoping to get in Rachel's pants.


Season Two

So how DO you get the white on rice?

—Jacob to Tina and Mike, Audition

Jacob: Will Schuester. How do you respond to a recent post on my blog saying your Glee Club song selections sound like they come from a drag queen’s iPod?
Mr. Schuester: Well I try to do something for everyone. 25% showtunes, 25% Hip Hop, 25% Classic Rock...
Jacob: 100% Gay.

—Jacob and Will, Audition

How has life changed since the birth of your bastard child?

—Jacob to Quinn, Audition

(Noticing Santana's Breast Enhancement): How was YOUR summer?

—Jacob to Santana, Audition

Did you know that there’s a forum on my blog that’s begging you to stop rapping?

—Jacob to Will, Audition

When exactly did you ink your sponsorship with Land’s End?

—Jacob to Will, Audition

When are you slated to make your triumphant return to the Shire?

—Jacob to Rachel, Audition

What did you do with all that breast milk?

—Jacob to Quinn, Audition

What do you want for her? I'll give you anything!I'll give you my house! I'll kill my parents and give you my house.

—Jacob to Finn (about Rachel), Britney/Brittany

Technology has allowed us to be brutally cruel without suffering any consequences. In the past, if I wanted to tell someone they sucked, I’d have to say it to their face.

—Jacob, A Night of Neglect

My curly hair in Cairo twitter account helped bring down Mubarak. Technology has allowed us to be brutally cruel without suffering any consequences.

—Jacob, A Night of Neglect

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