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Kitty's Quotations

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Kitty's Quotations are the quotations made by Kitty Wilde, portrayed by Becca Tobin.

Season Four

Kitty: My iced latte is too cold.
Kurt: It's an iced latte...
Kitty: It's an iced latte that is too cold.

Kitty to Kurt, The New Rachel

We could handle gimpy and the tarantula head and Richie Poor because you guys were national champs like us, but our invitation was not extended to pre-op Precious based on the novel Barf by Sapphire, and Mike and Molly's daughter, as part of our crew.

Kitty to the New Directions, The New Rachel

I bet it looks better on me.

Kitty to Jake and Marley about Jake's jacket, Britney 2.0

We're dating now. Didn't Jake tell you?

Kitty to Marley about her relationship with Jake, Britney 2.0

Y'all are sinners, and you'd better get right with God tout-de-suite because Jesus just logged onto Orbitz and booked himself a plane ticket back to Earth. See, he's got an awesome dad named God who's throwing him a bitchin' party called Armageddon, where he's gonna get to kick off his sandals, dance a little bit, and judge the crap out of everybody.

Kitty to the Left Behind Club, The Break-Up

Heard they're opening up a new Ronald Mcdonald House in Lima, just for you and your Finger-licking, Lard-loving, Gilbert Grape-looking mama.

Kitty to Marley, The Break-Up

You do not want to break up with me, okay? I am like a bad Carrie Underwood song once I get going.

Kitty to Jake, The Break-Up

You're both gonna regret this turn of events because I will tell you one more thing: Obama's gonna lose.

Kitty to Jake and Marley, The Break-Up

Jake: Who wants to have Justin Bieber hair?.
Kitty: Half black guys who can't grow it.

Kitty and Jake, The Role You Were Born to Play

Patty Simcox?! Who the hell is Patty Simcox?!

Kitty after finding out her role in Grease, The Role You Were Born to Play

Shut it, Avatar!

Kitty to Joe, The Role You Were Born to Play

Well, Spray Tan, Hawk Nose, to quote Shakespeare, "There's no small parts, only fat actresses."

Kitty to Sugar, Glease

I'm confused... Are you playing the lead in Grease or Hairspray?

Kitty to Marley, Glease

These are called fingers. Just stick them in your pie hole and Bingo!
You're magically super model thin forever.

Kitty to Marley, Glease

Kitty: Jesus is the only almighty superhero.
Joe: Amen.
Kitty: Nobody asked you.

Kitty and Joe, Dynamic Duets

Kitty: Every day I ask myself 'What would Quinn Fabray do?'
Quinn: It's really nice to know that people still remember me.
Kitty: Remember you? Oh no, we aspire to be you. Me especially.

Kitty and Quinn, Thanksgiving

I realize Marley’s super sweet, and I’m sure you have great conversations when you share milkshakes down at the drive-in about how you both love President Eisenhower, but good luck getting past first base with that girl.

Kitty, Sadie Hawkins

Kitty: Look, I usually avoid dating Jewish guys, on account that you people are killing ma Jesus. I was willing to make an exception because of your biceps but I'm gonna end this little experiment in religious tolerance if you don't stop dancing like an idiot.
Puck: One night with me and you'll be studying for your Bat Mitzvah.
Kitty: Not a chance. I like bacon too much.

Kitty and Puck, Sadie Hawkins

If you’re done dancing like you lost your leg in a motorcycle accident, why don’t we go back to my car and have at each other in the backseat?

Kitty to Puck, Sadie Hawkins

Those Twilight books were poop on paper and we've turned them into a million dollar business.

Kitty, Naked

Joe: I'd be willing to cut off some of my hair to earn some extra cash.
Kitty: To who, Jamaican kids with Rastafarian cancer or as riggin on a haunted pirate ship?

Joe and Kitty, Naked

Nothing's scarier than a girl with a penis.

Kitty to Unique, Guilty Pleasures

Read my lips because we know you can't read words.

Kitty to Ryder, Shooting Star

Now excuse me because just thinking about me and you dating makes me dryer than the cast of Hot in Cleveland.

Kitty to Ryder, Shooting Star

Marley, when we were doing Grease I took in all of your costumes so that you'd you think you were fat.

Kitty to Marley, Shooting Star

Please, nobody wants to hear a song about a fat mom, or a song about barfing, or a song about loving a octoroon.

Kitty about Marley's original songs, Sweet Dreams

I don't know why I have such terrible luck with guys. It's probably because I come on really strong and pretend to be all slutty, and then I freeze up right away and get distant and drop weird hints that my vagina has teeth.

Kitty to Ryder, Lights Out

I understand what it feels like to have something like that happen to you and feel like nobody understands. I guess I just wanted you to know that... I do.

Kitty to Ryder, Lights Out

Have you learned you new lyrics yet 'do you want fries with thaaaat?

Kitty to Mercedes, Wonder-ful

Nobody is going to admit it for fear of being murdered.

Kitty about Ryder demanding who Catfish is, All or Nothing

Season Five

And for the record, and not that it's anyone's business, especially not yours, Tina Cohen-Agitator, I did wanna keep it 'hush-hush'.

Kitty to Tina, Love Love Love

Yes Memoirs of a Lame Geisha.

Kitty to Tina, Love Love Love

Yes, we are officially, publicly, shockingly... a thing.

Kitty to Artie, Love Love Love

Artie: This Katy/Gaga lesson is killing me. It's like Mr. Shue did it on purpose to keep us apart.
Kitty: I don't think he plans that much ahead. I'm pretty sure he makes up these rando lessons a split second before he writes 'em on the board.

Kitty and Artie, A Katy or A Gaga

All right you basic bitches!

Kitty to New Directions, The End of Twerk

Do you want us to call a wambulance? Coz your pitty party is out of control.

Kitty to Blaine, Puppet Master

Marley: Okay, I was just trying to be nice.
Kitty: I have a very low tolerance for nice. I may seem really cool and loving for a week or two, but then my body rejects it like a virus and I move back into my natural state of cruel, selfish insensitivity.

Kitty to Marley, Puppet Master

Marley: I'm a virgin!
Kitty: To think nobody's tickled inside your musty mildew granny panties except for the family of crickets that nest in there.
Marley: Yeah well... You wear a smaller bra than me.

Kitty and Marley, Previously Unaired Christmas

Kitty: Shocker. The virgin Marley gets to play the Virgin Mary. Aren't you worried about typecasting?
Marley: What's with the snark? I asked you to audition and you said...
Kitty: ...I didn't want it.
Marley: You obviously do. I don't get it. If this is something that is so important to you, maybe we can talk to Mr. Schue...
Kitty: Don't you get it? I'm a Christian, and I know what it means to have the Virgin Mary's spirit in your heart. I don't have it. And I don't deserve to be her. To tell you the truth, I'm more like Mary Magdalene.

Kitty and Marley, Previously Unaired Christmas

Virgin in the house, bitches!

Kitty to New Directions, Previously Unaired Christmas

Unique: Unique will not be standing in the back swaying while you guys go all Three-yoncé in the spotlight.
Kitty: Why does everything you say have to sound like that?

Kitty and Unique, Trio

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