Have a seat, boy hips.

—Lauren to Rachel, Hell-o

I know how torn you must be Berry.

—Lauren to Rachel, Hell-o

It's gonnna cost you mallomars for me and snicker bars for my workers, take it or leave it Berry.

—Lauren to Rachel

This is so gonna get Robert Pattinson's attention!

—Lauren Zizes, Theatricality

Mr. Schue let me be your Britney!

—Lauren during New Directions' performance of Toxic, Britney/Brittany

Lauren: I think I've a fever.

—Lauren, to Sue Sylvester, The Substitute

Puck: Are you an angel?
Lauren: Screw you.

—Lauren and Puck, Special Education

Here are my conditions: a carton of Cadbury eggs - good luck finding them, they're not in season - and I want seven minutes in heaven with you.

—Lauren to Puck, Special Education

Best green room ever.

—Lauren Zizes, Special Education

Lauren: I'm not nervous, you know why?
Puck: Why?
Lauren: Because show choir is stupid.

—Lauren to Puck, Special Education

I want Puckerman to love me. He's a fox... I would also like sweet potato fries.

—Lauren's Christmas wish, A Very Glee Christmas

Sue: I'm going to stop you right there! Why are you wearing that hat?
Lauren: Because it's Christmas, and it's fun.
Sue: No, it's offensive. You're wearing a Santa Claus hat, and yet you're not handing me any gifts. I need gifts.
Lauren: You want my hat?
Sue: It's a start.

—Lauren and Sue, A Very Glee Christmas

Rachel: We thought about that. But the truth it's that you guys only needs us to play. You just needs enough players out there to fill a regulation team. So when them snack the ball, we're just gonna lay down on the grounds, just gonna lay there.
Lauren: Well, I'm not. I'm gonna bring the pain.

—Rachel and Lauren, to Finn, Puck, Artie, Mike, Sam, Will and Coach Beiste, The Sue Sylvester Shuffle

Lauren: Look at me again and I'll break your nuts, and also the candies you gave me they sucked.
Puck: But you ate all of them.
Lauren: I had to make sure they all sucked.

—Lauren and Puck, Silly Love Songs

Santana: Oh please. You guys love me, I keep it real and I'm hilarious.
Lauren: Actually you're just a bitch.

—Santana and Lauren, Silly Love Songs

I spell woman Z-I-Z-E-S, and i need to be wooed. You understand me? Wooed.

—Lauren to Puck, Silly Love Songs

That was the first time anyone ever sang me a love song... and it made me feel like crap.

—Lauren to Puck, Silly Love Songs

I don't think you're ready for this jelly.

—Lauren to Puck,Silly Love Songs

If I was a country, my flag would be a big fist giving the rest of the world a finger, and [ I Know What Boys Like ] would be my national anthem.

—Lauren Zizes, Comeback

Who told you that hairstyle was cool? Geronimo?

—Lauren to Puck, Blame It on the Alcohol

Santana: Oh My God Brittany's pregnant!
Tina: Oh My God Brittany's pregnant!
Puck: It was only a matter of time.
Lauren: For what?
Puck: Brittany to get pregnant.
Lauren (to Artie): OH CONGRATULATIONS!
Artie: For what?
Lauren: Haven't you heard? Your girlfriend's preggo! You're gonna be a baby daddy!!

—Santana ,Tina , Puck, Lauren and Artie, Sexy

I want to be like a Kardashian. I want a TV show, and a fragrance. It'll be called Zizes, and the slogan will be: You just got Zized.

—Lauren to Puck, Sexy

Lauren: Puckerman, you're on a roll.

—Lauren, to Puck, Original Song

Lauren: Hey, Mercedes! Can I have your shoes? I promise to give a dirty pair of my flipflops in return.
Mercedes: Do you know how hard it is to find yellow high top patent leather sneakers?

—Lauren, to Mercedes, A Night of Neglect

I feel like a lemon meringue pie.

—Lauren to Kurt, Brittany and Tina, Prom Queen

The Glee Club is not in my cool factor and I can't withstand it, all right?. My rep is in free-fall. Oh, don't be sad. Would always have "Subway".

—Lauren to Puck, after break up with him, The Purple Piano Project

We're not flowers, we're losers.

—Lauren to Coach Beiste, Sadie Hawkins