Sitting in the back, like the always. Wade...Unique...I still don’t know how to classify Unique. I respect his/her choice. However, cannot begin to understand how to classify her. He is a he and He is a she. It is beyond confusing.
Right now, he/she is performing an amazing rendition of “Good Man” by some chick named India Arie. I think, she is from Africa or something. Whatever.All I know is something in me, feels different. I can’t quite understand is this feeling.
After practice, I decided to meet up with the guys. I am walking to the door to exit the school and see Kitty waiting for me there. Here we go again. Probably her gloating in my face again that Jake won Marley.
“So. Ryder?”, Kitty said suspiciously. “Kitty? What you want now? Gonna bring up Marley choosing Jake for the tenth time.”“No. Is it true, you gotta a crush on Pre-Opt Chaka Chan?”“What? Me? No, I am straight.”
“You sure? It seemed to me you wanted all her jelly. I guess, what they say is true. Glee Club does turn the good ones queer.”“Kitty, I don’t like Unique like that. Okay?”, beginning to walk away.
Truth is, I don’t even know how I truly feel for Unique. I am straight, but I just can’t begin to grasp these emotions, I have for her. Does that make me, Bi-Curious? Or Confused?
Finally, I made it to the Lima Bean before I went insane. Blaine, Sam, Artie were there. Jake and Joe, were not able to come. Joe had to go to some religious convention. Jake had to help Marley with some project. Feelings I have for Marley are still strong. However, she made her choice. That choice being Jake. Then, there is Unique: Smart, Sassy, Excellent Singer, and still a...Man!
“Well...Are you gonna sit with us? Or, are we gonna have to go get you?”, Blaine asked snapping me out of my daze.
“oh yea...Be right there.” “Ryder, where have you been?”. Sam asked“Sorry, I was late. Kitty stopped me to talk.”
“Oh. So, you finally fell under her web?”“What do you mean? Like dating her?”“Well duh. She has kinda been all over you.”“Kitty and I, are never gonna be...”
“He probably not over Marls.”, Artie cuts me off.“I am over Marley, Artie.”
All of the sudden, I see Unique dead centered. With her Aretha Franklin wig and platinum purple dress. She wore today. Why is she poping up? This is just becoming a recurring nightmare.
“Yo dude, we kind of still here.”, Artie breaking me out of my trance this time. “Didn’t get that much sleep last night. “Hot Damn. I wonder why...”
“Enough about my love life. What have you guys been up to?”
After a couple of hours, of Sam’s amazingly bad impressions. Blaine plotting against Mrs Sylvester. And Artie talking about his League of Legends guild. I asked, Blaine for a ride home. I live, kinda far and it was already late.
“Ryder, so you don’t like Kitty?”“For the last time, I do not like Kitty! She is Puck’s territory. Probably, the only one who could handle her.”“Just curious. Haven’t been yourself since Marley chose Jake.”
“She has nothing to do with anything!”
Truth is, Marley is always on my mind. Along with Unique...
“Fack Ryder! Calm it down. I was just asking. Besides, I could use you to get rid of Becky. She has been all over me. Been all over my nuts, since I joined the Cheerios.“Artie is single?”
“I tried. She thinks, she is too good for him.”
“Wow. That is sad. When Becky, thinks she is too good for someone.”
“I know right.”
As we drive up to my house, I noticed that my Mom is home. However, my Dad hasn’t come back yet. Probably another long day at the office again...
“Ryder?”, Blaine stopping me in my tracks. “Blaine?”
“Umm...Just wanted to tell you. You know, you can talk to me. You know, if anything is bothering you.”
“I’ll make sure you’re the first person. Okay dude.”
As he drives, I walk up to my door. What the hell? ‘You know, you can talk to me.’ What does is that supposed to mean? Does everyone think, I like Unique. Or, he could possibly think I am emotional fucked from Marley.
I was too preoccupied to realize; I was standing inside my house already. My mom was right in front of me.
“Hi Mom, can’t talk right now. Got a lot of homework.”
I run up to my room and close the door. Leaving myself with my thoughts.
I lay on my bed trying to clear my thoughts. I start to think about what am I going to sing for my Regional’s solo audition song. I am beginning to imagine Unique’s performance again. Is it because I want Unique. Or, is it because my mind is playing tricks on me? Today has been a rollercoaster of feelings. Also, there is Marley. With her light brown hair. Amazing Blue eyes. Her striking timid personality that doesn’t fail to ever make me feel happy inside. What am I saying? Jake won. Marley is Jake’s girl. I promised them, I wouldn’t try anything anymore. I should stop torturing myself. And sleep on it.
I am starting to fall asleep...”Hello Love.”, Unique says.
Chapter Two- Road to Regionals
Last night, was a horrible nightmare. Unique was in my dream. She was there talking to me. I didn’t resist he/she. Is this something that my self-conscious is telling me. I am ending this for the day. Need to focus on my Audition.
While taking the bus to school, all I could think about is what song to sing for my Solo audition. Paramore song? Nah. “All too well” by Taylor Swift? Nah, too depressing. Come On think... “Scars” by Papa Roach.
School was incredibly drill, not being able to concentrate because of my dyslexia. My control over it is improving. Yet, it is still difficult to decipher what the teacher is writing.
Walking into the Glee Classroom, I notice Brittany, Tina, Jake, Marley, and...Unique are already there.
“Hey Ryder”, Tina says“Hey Tina”, going to sit next to her. “How was your day?”“Good and yours”
“Tiresome. I picked out my song for the Solo Audition.”“What did you pick? Not another Elton John. Is it?”
“No not another, Elton John song. It is a secret.”
“I can’t wait. My audition is today. The song could relate to some people.”
Tina has been one of my closests friends, lately. Since the Marley situation, I have ostracized myself from the other newbies.
“Okay. Let’s get started. Mrs Pilsbury will be here to help me decide the soloist, duet, and group number leads.”, Mr Schuester tells us. “You best believe, Unique will be the soloist.”
I couldn’t help to smile at that. Unique is so confident in her own abilities. She is a prime example of what a soloist is. Whatever...
“You mean, I will win the solo”, Blaine and Tina say in unison.“Here, we go again. Blina, thinking they are better than everyone else again.”“Want to know something, Unique? I have sit in this choir room for four years. Watching everyone stand in front, time after time taking the lead. It is my time to shine.”“so...”
“I am tired of everyone walking over me. This is my time. Rest of you guys, can sit in the back for once.”“Well, with that being said Tina come up and sing your solo.”, Will says.“With Pleasure Mr. Schue.”, while walking to the front. “I will be singing a song that many can related to.”, directing it to me.
Why was she looking at me?
hands downi'm too proud for lovebut with eyes shutit's you i'm thinking ofbut how we move from A to B?it can't be up to me'cause you don't knoweye to eyethigh to thighi let go
What the hell, is she trying to tell me here? Is this some sort of joke? This is so not cool Tina.
and for you i keep my legs apartand forget about my tainted heartand i will never ever be the firstto say itbut still I,yes you know I..I..I..i would do it,push a buttonpull a trigger,climb a mountainjump off a cliff,'cause you know babyi love you love you a little biti would do it, i would say iti would mean it, we could do itit was you and i and if only i..
come here, stay with mestroke me by the hair'cause i would give anything, anythingto have you as my man [x2]
a little bit, a little bita little bit in love with youbut only if you'rea little but, a little bit, little bitin lo-lo-lo-lo-love with me
By the end of her performance, I am in a complete state of disarray. It was a very good performance. But, inside I am like what the fack is she trying to tell me. Was she just looking at me for support? I have no idea, but if she wasn’t that is not right. “Way to go, Tina.”, Will says“Thanks, Mr Schue.”, approaching Unique. “So how did I do?”“You did very well, Tina. Sorry for that.”“Apology accepted.”, hugs Unique. “Okay. Next up Ryder.”, Will says. “Should be interesting. Another Elton John song serenade to Marley.”, Kity says.“It is...”
“Kitty grow up.”, Jake interrupts me. “Just let Ryder sing the song.”, Will says.“Thank you. This song is very personal to me.”
I tear my heart open, I sew myself shutMy weakness is that I care too muchAnd my scars remind me that the past is realI tear my heart open just to feel
Drunk and I'm feeling downAnd I just wanna be aloneI'm pissed cause you came aroundWhy don't you just go homeCause you channel all your painAnd I can't help you fix yourselfYou're making me insaneAll I can say is
I tried to help you onceAgainst my own adviceI saw you going downBut you never realizedThat you're drowning in the waterSo I offered you my handCompassions in my natureTonight is our last stand
I'm drunk and I'm feeling down
I can't help you fix yourselfBut at least I can say I triedI'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own lifeI can't help you fix yourselfBut at least I can say I triedI'm sorry but I gotta move on with my own life
“Ryder everybody!”, Will Exclaims.
Everyone in the crowds claps except Marley.
“You may sit back down, Ryder.”
I go sit down, next to Tina.
“Emma and I, are going to choose the Soloist. We will tell you guys tomorrow. Class Dismissed.”
I storm out of the choir room. Without saying bye to anyone. I go to my Mom’s car and shut the door.
“Ryder, you haven’t been yourself lately.”
“Mom. I spent months trying to hide my feelings for Marley. I finally admit to her, ‘I love you.’ But, she had a boyfriend and ended up choosing the boyfriend.”
I am not going to tell her about the whole Unique situation.
“Ryder, when you love a girl that is not obtainable. You have to make her obtainable.”
“When you love someone. If they are unattainable. You need to find ways to make them attainable. If that doesn’t work, that means they are not meant to be.”
Something about that clicked in my head. Can I be fighting off something, I can’t have with something I don’t want?
My mom and I, continued talking about our days. Until we got to the house. Dad was working a long day again.
“Thanks for the talk, mom.”, as I walk to my room.
After Homework, I lay on my bed. Thinking about what is going to happen tomorrow. I really hope, I have the solo. I need to redeem myself. I want to be friends with everyone again. I feel like I have alienated myself from the others. Only people, I really talk to are Blaine, Artie, Tina, and Kitty when she comes to me.
I really dread, if I get the duet spot. If you try out for the solo, you are still eligibile for the other parts. If I don’t make it, I want Tina to have it. She deserves the solo. And, if she doesn’t get it. Unique should have it. Out of everyone, Unique is the best singer. Hopefully, I will not get stucked with Marley. That will be bad.
I am stressing out too much. I just need to sleep on it.
While thinking about the next days events, I start to drift off into slumber. “Ryder, I love you.”, Marley says.