Sue's Journal is the secret journal of Sue Sylvester. It is seen in numerous episodes, and often acts as a base for Sue to start or resolve her plans. It is shown in The Power of Madonna that the front page has the word "Madonna" on it, all capital and with designs. She was also shown drawing the words "Victory" on one page.
Feeling listless again today. It began at dawn, when I tried to make a smoothie out of beef bones, breaking my juicer. And then at Cheerios practice, disaster! It was unmistakable. It was like spotting the first spark on the Hindenburg. A quiver! That quiver will lose us Nationals. And without a championship, I'll lose my endorsements. And without those endorsements, I won't be able to buy my hovercraft. Glee Club. Every time I try to destroy that clutch of scab-eating mouth-breathers, it only comes back stronger, like some sexually-ambiguous horror movie villain. Here I am, about to turn 30, and I've sacrificed everything, only to be shanghaied by the bi-curious machinations of a cabal of doughy, misshapen teens. Am I missing something, Journal? Is it me? Of course it's not me. It's Will Schuester! What is it about him, Journal? Is it the arrogant smirk? Is it the store-bought home perm? You know, Journal, I noticed something yesterday. Of course! It's becoming clear to me now. If I can't destroy the club, I will have to destroy the man.
"Madonna." Simply saying the word aloud makes me feel powerful. Even in voice-over. How I have worshipped her ever since I was a little girl. Sorry, Angie Jolie, Catherine the Great. Madonna is the most powerful woman to ever walk the face of the Earth.
Humiliation. Bested by the Beiste, less than 24 hours after my plan to replace all chairs in the school with sharp poles was thwarted, a resounding defeat in my war against sitting. Reality is, I’m a champion, and once I get power, I do not let it go. I need a cause.
Dear Journal, My lust for life is renewed. I have found myself dropped behind enemy lines, poised to destroy the glee club from within. Schuester and his guidance councillor, Ginger, fell for my pity-party, hook, line and sinker. And now I’m in and ready to sink them once and for all. Thus begins my plan. I will pit these glee clubbers against one another, rupturing the group internally, until it explodes like a ripe zit.
My campaign is in crisis. Polls have me neck-and-neck with Reggie "The Sauce" Salazar, and his ad is set to run any day now. Why would someone assume I'm a friend of Ellen just because I'm mannish and highly aggressive and have short hair and I only wear track suits and I coach a girl's sport and I married myself? It just doesn't make sense.
The truth is, Journal, I'm attracted to men. Sure, I can't stand watching them eat or talking to them, but when it comes to getting sexy, this gal's got a hole in her heart only a fella can fill. Salazar's ad will put my campaign on life-support, and if I want to win this race, I need 20 cc's of man-candy, stat! So which one of my hookups is ready for a prime-time photo op?
Dan Quayle? Too needy.
Stephen Baldwin? Train wreck.
Oliver North? Biter.
Matt Lauer? Too much crying.
Johnny Cochran? Pretty sure he's dead.
Eureka. That's the kind of guy I need. Better luck next time, David Boreanaz. Sue Sylvester's found her man.
It's Christmas again, that time of year when parents aren't arrested for forcing their children to sit on an old man's weirdly hot lap. That magical season when five seemingly separate storylines are cleverly sandwiched between commercial breaks, and then tied together at the end like a beautiful bow. Like that movie, 'Love, Actually', which I don't think anyone really cares for, and yet is constantly on cable."
I speak to you now not as Sue Sylvester, world-class coach and educatrix, but as Sue Sylvester, freelance champion.
I've purged myself of the toxic teen-town trauma parade that is McKinley High, and life could not be better.
I'm making my own hours, rocking a fresh look, and getting paid twice the money to do what I do best, dishing out top-tier abuse to trophy wives and self-hating single gals as a personal trainer.