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Terri's Quotations

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Terri's Quotations are quotations made by Terri Del Monico, portrayed by Jessalyn Gilsig.

Season One

But Will, I'm on my feet four hours a day, three days a week here, and then I have to go home and cook dinner for myself!

—Terri, Pilot


Dr. Phil said people could change!

—Terri, Pilot


This is where our daughter or gay son will sleep.

—Terri, Showmance


Will: We can't afford this.

Terri: All we need to do is give up Applebeer's and AC for the first few summers.

Showmance


(Sigh) My very own Sophie's choice.

—Terri, Showmance


Terri: I don't want my baby to grow an extra arm just because I live in squalor and I'm so stressed. So, I want you to run any and all tests you have.
Dr. Wu: Trust me, you're all clear.
Terri: Are you sure?
Dr. Wu: Positive.
Terri: Is it a boy or a girl?
Dr. Wu: I don't quite know how put this... there's no baby.
Terri: Did it fall out?
Dr. Wu: (chuckles then regains a serious face) Uh, no. You're having what's called a hysterical pregnancy. You want a baby so badly that your body mimics the symptoms. If you're meant to get pregnant, it'll happen.

Terri and Dr. Wu, Showmance


Mrs. Schuester: When did you start cooking, Terri?

Terri: Oh, it's just hamburger casserole. Look out for bones.

—Terri and Mrs. SchuesterAcafellas


If I don't get some sleep, I could miscarry.

—Terri to Will, Acafellas


Listen here psycho. This is Will's wife and if I don't get enough sleep, my anti-depressants won't work. Then I'll go crazy and kill you.

—Terri to Suzy Pepper, Ballad


Will: What is this?
Terri: It's a pregnancy pad! They have them at maternity stores for trying on clothes so you can see how you look when your showing! Kendra stole it from me to see if any her old clothes could fit-
Will: Pick up your shirt.
Terri: What? No!
Will: (Throws Pad) Pick up your shirt.
Terri: You're scaring me Will. Think about what your accusing me of, think about it, and then turn around and go find your pocket square. (Will grabs Terri) Please?
Will: (lifts up shirt and sees pregnancy pad. Will starts to cry. Then he rips the pregnancy pad off of Terri's stomach) Why did you do this to us? I don't understand!
Terri: I thought you were leaving me! We're so different Will! We're so different I can feel you're pulling away from me!
Will: Because I started to stand up to you? Making this a relationship of equal!
Terri: No because of the damn glee club! Ever since you started it you're walking around like your better than me!
Will: I should be allowed to feel good about myself!
Terri: Who are we kidding Will. This marriage works because you don't feel good about yourself!
Will: This marriage works because I love you. Because I've always accepted you! Good and bad.
Terri: No. You loved the girl you met when you're fifteen! I'm not that girl!
Will: You made yourself a stranger to me now. Are you happy? Are you satisfied?!
Terri: It didn't start as a lie. I really thought I was pregnant. And the doctor he said it was a hysterical pregnancy and I just panicked!
Will: What were you going to do when the due day came?
Terri: Quinn Fabray. It was so perfect! She didn't want hers and I needed one. I had the doctor use her ultrasound DVD at the appointment you came to.
Will: I loved you Terri. I really loved you.
Terri: I'm so sorry Will. I'm so sorry. Do you remember that appointment? Do you remember what we said? That no matter what happened we loved each other. We could get that feeling back again! (Will storms out) You can love me back Will! Please Will! Please don't go! Please don't go Please!

Mattress


I thought Jews were supposed to be smart.

—Terri to Puck, Funk


Terri: I have this compulsive need to crush people's dreams.
Finn: Yeah, that's what Mr. Schue said.

—Terri and Finn, Funk

Season Two

Hey, homewrecker!

—Terri to Emma, Britney/Brittany


Terri: (walking in on Will and Holly Holliday) Wow Will. I mean wow!
Will: What are you doing here? You should've called.
Terri: I brought you some more soup. But I guess baby's feeling a lot better if he's healthy enough to have a beer with a friend.
Holly: No, no. (laughs) Hi! I'm, I'm Holly Holliday.
Terri: Are you a porn star or a drag queen? I'm Terri Schuester, Will's wife!
Holly: (looking at Will) Wow. Your wife's kind of a bitch.
Will: She's my ex-wife, and I have no idea what she's doing here.
Teri: Do I have to remind you what went on?
Will: Can we talk about this another time?
Terri: What cause this is embarrassing for you in front of your new girlfriend?! Where's she been the past two days, huh?!
Holly: Oookay, I'm just gonna go home. (getting up from the couch)
Will: No! I'm sorry Terri. Last night was a mistake. I knew it as soon as it happened. I was lonely and, you were there. I-I am sorry.
Terri: N-No honey I'm sorry it's just. I'm really out of control right now. I'm gonna come back. Okay? (turning around)
Will: Terri?
Terri: Yeah? (turning around)
Will: Don't. Don't come back.
Terri: (walking closer to Will) This is your last chance Will. It's never gonna happen again, if I leave now I'm never gonna come back. (Will nods) You're gonna regret this Will. I swear to God you're gonna regret this. (glances at Holly then storms out)

Terri, Will, and Holly, The Substitute


Oh honey, just what I wanted. Jumper cables.

—Terri, A Very Glee Christmas


What kind of a meeting doesn't have bagels or something?!

—Terri, ‎A Night of Neglect


Will: These are first class tickets on American Airlines. How did you afford them?
Terri: Well did you know that if complain to the airline about contracting monkeypox in the bathroom on the plane, you can get the president of the airline on the phone within an hour?
Will: But you didn't.
Terri: No of course not, have you been on airplanes? They're immaculate! No it turns out that one of the vice presidents of the American Airlines is a big supporter of the arts or something, so when I told him your Glee club sob story he gladly came up with the tickets for your guys to make it happen.
Will: This is amazing Terri. Wait, what's the catch?
Terri: I'm moving to Miami. Sheets-N-Things is opening a new branch down there and they have asked me to manage it.
Will: Like, full on manager?
Terri: The assistant title is officially dropped. Look Will I know that I made your life, challenging, sometimes. But, it was only because I loved you so much.
Will: I loved you too. But you just weren't right. No regrets though.
Terri: No! Not one. (they hug)
Will: Just try to relax a little bit while you're down there, okay?
Terri: Yeah!
Will: I mean, you deserve to enjoy yourself.
Terri: Okay.
Will: Okay. (they walk away)
Terri: (she turns) I'll see you around Will! (her face falls as Emma walks up to Will and with a look of disgust, she walks away)

—Terri and Will, Funeral

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