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Tina's Quotations

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Tina's Quotations are the quotations made by Tina Cohen-Chang, portrayed by Jenna Ushkowitz
Hung Tina (1)

Season One

We're d-d-doomed.

Tina, Pilot

Finn: "Tina! What are you good at?"
Tina: "I-I..."
Finn: "We'll figure something out for you."

Finn and Tina, Pilot

It's Kurt — he's lady fabulous.

Tina, Acafellas

Will: "Great, Tina!"
Tina: "You don't have to say that. I was sh-sh-sharp. I c-c-c-can't do this."

Will and Tina, Preggers

All this baby drama is making my rosacea act up.

Tina, Ballad

They give their dancers human growth hormones.

Tina (about Vocal Adrenaline), Hell-O

My eyes, are up here! I am a person with feelings, get out of my grill! I am a powerful woman, and my growing feminism will cut you in half like the righteous blade of equality!

Tina to Artie, The Power of Madonna

Tina: My balls keep falling off.
Kurt: I know the feeling.

Tina and Kurt, Theatricality

I love wearing champagne bubbles — I get to express a whole different side of myself. Because even though I'm painfully shy and obsessed with death, I'm a really effervescent person.

Tina to Kurt, Theatricality

My parents won't even let me watch Twilight. My mom says she thinks Kristen Stewart seems like a bitch.

Tina, Theatricality

I think he thinks vampires are real.

Tina to Will Schuester about Principal Figgins, Theatricality

I feel like an Asian Branch Davidian.

Tina, Theatricality

I refuse to dress like somebody I'm not to be somebody I'm not!

Tina, Theatricality

Tina: So here's what's gonna happen! My dad, He's the king of the vampires, and Asian vampires are the most vicious of them all. You're gonna let me wear my lady demon clothes, or else he'll fly into your bedroom and bite your face off! He's really pissed! Is that what you want?
Principal Figgins: Uh no, I don't want that, I'm afraid.
Tina: Good, I'm glad we had this talk, now I need to go back into my coffin 'cause the light is burning my eyes!

Tina and Principal Figgins, Theatricality

Kurt: I thought the boys' KISS number was good, although the lyrics left something to be desired.
Tina: Finn kept sticking his tongue out and I couldn't stop picturing him licking things. It was disturbing.

Tina and Kurt, Theatricality

Tina: We've got second place in the bag!
Rachel: Screw that! We are gonna WIN this thing!

Tina and Rachel, Journey

I'm sorry, it's just you know how many Facebook friends I had before Glee? Two! My parents.

Tina, Journey

(At the beginning of this year....)
Tina: I had a stutter.

Tina to Will Schuester, Journey

Season Two

Jacob: What can you say about the rumors that the two of you are dating?
Tina: Because we're both Asian? That's racist!
Mike: Totally racist!

(Tina and Mike walk away holding hands)

Tina, Mike and Jacob, Audition

She's an ambitious little freak who will do anything to hold on to her power.

Tina about Rachel, Audition

Tina: I think you're really great, Artie, but you're a terrible boyfriend. You ignored me for weeks this summer!
Artie: I was playing a marathon round of Halo, woman!
Tina: And then when we did get together, all you wanted to do was watch Coming Home... over and over.

Tina and Artie, Audition

Mike tries to be into what I'm into. Like his abs.

Tina, Audition

Never heard of him, don't want to hear about him.

Tina about Christopher Cross, Britney/Brittany

Last week, we were too sexy, this week, we're too religious — we can't win!

Tina, Grilled Cheesus

Mike: We should go to Asian couples therapy.
Tina: Why does the couples therapy have to be Asian?

Tina and Mike, Duets

Tina: No, No! We're singing together. We're gonna win that dinner at BreadstiX...and then we can finally have a normal night out.
Mike: Normal? Whatya mean? We went out last night.
Tina: For dim sum... with your mom. All we ever do is eat dim sum with your mom!
Mike: Heeeeeeere we go...

Tina and Mike, Duets

I'm not saying that steamed pork knuckles aren't delicious.

Tina to Mike, Duets

All I want is a normal salad that DOESN'T HAVE CHICKEN FEET IN IT!

Tina to Mike, Duets

You could be my very own Situasian.

Tina to Mike, Never Been Kissed

I take it we have a lot of sweater trades to look forward to this season?

Tina to Kurt, Never Been Kissed

Mike: What's up with them?
Tina: You're a jerk!

Tina and Mike after he sees Artie mad at Brittany, Special Education

Finn: You don't take the star quarterback out before the big game.
Tina: Easy to say when you're the star quarterback!

Tina and Finn, Special Education

Quinn: I can't believe I'm doing this. I look horrible with short hair.
Tina: Shut up. With your bone structure, you could totally pull off a Rosemary's Baby look. I'm going to look like Jackie Chan.

When does the Asian Santa arrive?

Tina to Santa, A Very Glee Christmas

Tina: Five minutes ago, you said Mr. Schue belonged in a twelve step program.
Will: What?
Santana: You're addicted to vests!

Tina to Santana, Silly Love Songs

I'm so overcome with love! I love you Mike Chang!

Tina to Mike while singing My Funny Valentine, Silly Love Songs

I need to close my locker and it's gonna sound like a gun shot.

Tina, Blame It on the Alcohol

She called the Ohio Secretary of State saying she was me and that I wanted to legally change my name to Tina Cohen-Loser.

Tina, Original Song

If I have no Asian sex symbols to look up to I guess I'll just have to be one myself.

Tina, Born This Way

Sorry Santana, I'm a beautiful person. I'm in love with myself and I would never change a thing.

Tina, Born This Way

Your self hatred Rachel, has helped me see the light.

Tina to Rachel, Born This Way

My new mantra is "be the change you want to see in the world."

Tina, Born This Way

Santana: And then, something funny happened. Something called love. (holds Dave's hand)

Tina: I'm gonna barf.

Tina and Santana, Born This Way

What do we know about Sam? What state he's from? Why he moved here? What school he went to? (pauses) Maybe he's a serial killer!

Tina about Sam, Rumours

Hold your breath. Make a wish. Count to three.

Tina before the New Directions perform Pure Imagination, Funeral

Getting a thumbs up from Kurt is like getting a thumbs up from Joan and Melissa Rivers.

Tina about Kurt, Prom Queen

I want to go to Central Park; get my frolic on!

Tina, New York

Season Three

Sue: I have been nice to you kids all year!
Tina: It's only the second day of school.

Sue and Tina, The Purple Piano Project

Excuse me from gym all year or I'll drain your spicy, curry blood.

Tina to Principal Figgins, Asian F

This is your chance to break out and show everybody that you're more than just a fleet-footed dance ninja.

Tina to Mike, Asian F

Mike: I got an A-, Tina.
Tina: You got an Asian F?

Mike and Tina, Asian F

You don't talk that much, you hardly ever sing, but when I see you do that, it's who you are. It's what makes me feel you. Mike, you gotta know by now, when I see you dance... it's why I fell in love with you.

Tina to Mike in Mike's vision, Asian F

I feel naked without Mercedes here with us.

Tina, Pot o' Gold

Losing my virginity was a great experience for me. Because I was with someone I love. It happened in summer. Mike and I had talked about it for a while, because we knew that the first time was gonna be something we wanna remember forever. And when that moment came, we just knew. It was right, it wasn't rushed... It was amazing. He's my first love, and I'll always look back at that moment as absolutely perfect. No regrets

Tina to Rachel, The First Time

Last Christmas was super sad. Kurt was at another school, Coach Sylvester trashed everything and Artie got a pair of magic legs that broke the next day. We were the Island of Misfit Toys.

Tina about last year Christmas, Extraordinary Merry Christmas

I just want a song.

Tina, On My Way

Excuse me, my foot fell asleep, can't feel it at all... can I walk it off?

Tina to Kurt, Choke

Their part to make you look good. I've sat, for three years, in the back of that choir room, holding Mike's hand or crying or smiling and swaying, while everyone else was out there singing solos. Maybe I say something, most of the time I don't, team player all the way. I am tired of being silent. I am one of the original glee club members and I was singing Sit Down, You're Rocking the Boat when Finn and Puck were still throwing slushies at us. So when is it my turn?

Tina to Rachel, Props

You're always so good in my musical numbers. Your oohs and aahs are always on pitch and your light sashaying makes my tour-de-force performances even more spine-tingling, if that’s even possible.

Tina as Rachel to Rachel as Tina, Props

I can't believe how supportive you are when half the time I can't even be bothered to thank you for your tremendous supporting performances.

Tina as Rachel to Rachel as Tina, Props

Tina: Ms. Tibideaux, I know exactly how you feel. Rachel Berry is a pain in the ass. What she wants, she gets. And I've spent a lot of time resenting her for it. But the fact is, she gets it because she's exceptional. Not just the voice, which is sick, but the focus, the drive. How often do you come across the real deal?
Carmen Tibideaux: The "real deal" that couldn't remember the words to the song?
Tina:Which was as rare as a Bigfoot sighting. She had an off day, and that decides her whole future?

Tina to Carmen Tibideaux, Props

It takes a lot of crystals to make something shine.

Tina to Sugar, Props

Will: We've got one last week to come together and shake things up. If there's anyone here who is not up to trying and working their butts off, you should just get up right now and leave.
(Tina gets up and leaves)
Finn: Whoa, whoa Tina where are you going?
Tina: You guys don't need me-- carry on.
Rachel: Tina, you don't understand. I need this.
Tina: Because you blew an audition? That's not a reason for you to get a solo at nationals. Maybe the rest of us would like one, too.
Rory: I wouldn't mind having another one before I get deported.
Sugar: I want one even though I can't sing.
Mike: Tina, Rachel's a senior.
Tina: So are you, but you can bet the only thing you'll be doing is a dance break with Brittany. Other people matter.
Will: Tina, you might not always get the solos, but you are a key player. I put you in charge of costumes.
Tina: Wow! like that's some prize. You want props to move around? Well I'm a human prop, and I'm sick of it!
Sue: Take a lap and cool down, Asian Number One.
Tina: My name is Tina. Tina Cohen-Chang!
Sue: Isn't she the one who used to stutter?

Tina to the New Directions, Props

All I want, for one moment, to feel like you. Be up on that stage and get one of the standing ovations you're so used to getting.

Tina to Rachel, Props

Season Four

Tina: Being popular felt too good. We forgot ourselves.
Brittany: Well I didn't. I was always popular, but I do forget to wear underwear sometimes.

Tina and Brittany to Marley, The New Rachel

Tina: Please tell me you’re gonna ask what one-third vintage meant last year.
Sam: Or why some teams can sing six songs and others only do one.

Tina and Sam to Mr. Schuester about the show choir rules, Makeover

[looking at the list of possible musicals]
Wade: Unique wants to do Hedwig.
Tina: Tina wants to do Pacific Overtures, Miss Saigon or Flower Drum Song.

Wade and Tina, The Break-Up

Mike: I've been trying to see you since I got here, but every time I get near, you disappear.
Tina: I was fine with our breakup. Out of sight, out of mind. But maybe you should have called and asked if I could handle you choreographing the school musical.
Mike: I'm sorry. Artie called me and it seemed like a fun idea. I didn't think you'd be upset.
Tina: [slams locker door] Neither did I! [begins to walk away]
Mike: [follows her] I know this is weird; it's weird for me too. But if that's what's stopping you from auditioning for Grease, then we have to make this not weird. There's still some good parts left.
Tina: I'm sorry, I can't.
Mike: [grabs Tina's hand] We could use you. You're talented.
Tina: I'm sorry. You're gonna have to survive without my talent. [turns away]

Mike and Tina outside her locker, The Role You Were Born to Play

Tina: Mr Schue. Finn cannot take over Glee Club. He doesn't know what he's doing at all. Sorry, Finn.¨
Finn: Guys, I know I can do this. And I got some really great ideas for sectionals
Tina: Well, I'll be dead by then. He doesn't know to direct a musical¨

Tina and Finn, Glease

Mike: This last week I've been thinking, maybe we shouldn't have broken up.Maybe it was premature.¨
Tina:Maybe, but we did. And it really tested who I am .And I'm liking who I am. But I miss you too so we can talk about it.¨

Tina and Mike, Glease

I persuade you to stop fighting immediately.

Tina to Ryder and Jake, Dynamic Duets

Finn: We have to go to Sectionals next week and we need 12 members to compete.
Tina: Oh, well, then just call Santana back from Kentucky again 'cause apparently she's better than anyone who's actually enrolled here.

Tina to Finn, Dynamic Duets

Finn: Uh, well, as some of you guys might know, uh, recently Blaine has been going through a bit of the rough time...
Tina: Oh, boo-hoo, get over it. It's like a bad Lifetime movie.
Finn: ... and he's decided to finish the rest of his senior year at Dalton Academy.

Finn and Tina about Blaine, Dynamic Duets

Becky is right, if I understood what she said correctly.

Tina, Sadie Hawkins

I was thinking heart boxers and a sexy Uncle Sam thing.

Tina to Ryder, Naked

Blaine has an awesome body and a perky and delicious behind that looks like it got baked to perfection by some sort of master chef..

Tina, Naked

Blaine: Why are you acting so pissed off?
Tina: Because I get it now. A diva doesn't settle for less than what she wants, and she won't apologize for wanting it. And I can't get that here, so next time, don't come crawling back to me. I'm all out of soup.

Tina and Blaine, Diva

Blaine: That seems a little… crazy.
Tina: No. That seems a little Tina Cohen-Chang. Respect.

Tina and Blaine, Diva

Sue: Don't you call me a gangster.
Tina: What?
Sue: Every time you patronize me. I will take it back.
Tina: Leave me alone.
Sue: I will knock you out.

Tina and Sue outside her locker, Feud

And what are you here to lecture us about, Kurt? Our terrible taste in clothing?

Tina to Kurt, Wonder-ful

Season Five

Are you crazy!? Are you insane? Good God! Have you lost your mind!? 

Tina to Blaine, Love Love Love

Well, it's hard to pick. Ryder has arms, and Blaine is my boo, but I think I'll go with Sam because he's the least gay and least asian of all of you and I'm looking to change my patterns, seriously though, Thank you guys, I really needed this.

Tina, Love Love Love

This is my chance to be bigger than Jesus!

Tina, Tina in the Sky with Diamonds

"JUST LEAVE ME LIKE THIS! I swear. I just thought, for one, lousy night of my life, I could be THAT girl. But who am I kidding. I'm not that girl. And I will never be that girl."

Tina, Tina in the Sky with Diamonds

Tina: I just don't know how much longer I can do this.
Emma: Do what?
Tina: I just don't know how much longer I can wear black. I feel like this look is so Tina two years ago.
And I spent so much time transitioning away from god, and look at me, that's like I'm back in that look.

Tina to Emma Pillsbury, The Quarterback


Tina referring to Throat Explosion, A Katy or A Gaga

We're so screwed, they're not like Vocal Adrenaline, unfeeling barg robots, they're total outsiders and misfit which used to be our niche, we can't compete with Throat Explosion anymore on that level because we lost out biggest Gaga when Kurt graduated last year! Look around, we're a room of like Katy Perry's now.

Tina, A Katy or A Gaga

Blaine: Tina! How could you?
Tina: What? It's convenient! Jeez, get your priorities straight.

Tina to New Directions referring to the porta-potty, The End of Twerk

Blaine: We need to win this!
Tina: Feels like North Korea up in here

Tina and Blaine, Puppet Master

Blainy Days! Blainy Days wake up! We're sorry we didn't listen to you earlier!

—Puppet Tina to Puppet Blaine, Puppet Master

So if you're done being a puppet master do you think you could take your hand out for under my dress?

Tina to Blaine, Puppet Master

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