You wanna tell me how long you've had a drug problem, son?

—Will to Finn, Pilot

Rachel: Everybody hates me.
Will: You think Glee Club is going to change that?

—Will and Rachel, Pilot

Possession is eight tenths of the law. I'm pretty sure that much pot is a felony.

—Will to Finn, Pilot

There's no joy in these kids. That's why every one of them has a Myspace page.

—Will, Pilot

Everybody LOVES disco!

—Will to Finn and Rachel, Showmance

My father always said you'd become a man when you bought your first house. I'm not sure what he meant though, because he burned ours down during a drunken fight with Mom.

—Will, Showmance

John Travolta hands!

—Will to Glee Club, Showmance

We took a vote Sandy. When you're in the group... it's creepy.

—Will to Sandy, Acafellas

Rachel: Mr. Schue?
Will: Rachel, you don't have to ask permission to go to the bathroom. You can just go.

—Will to Rachel, Acafellas

Being in a boy band did wonders for my love life... we started doing it once a week.

—Will, Acafellas

We'll get you sobered up... find you some underwear. It's not too late for you.

—Will to April, The Rhodes Not Taken

Glee club is about what's inside of you. Not what's coursing through your veins.

—Will, Vitamin D

Every time I light a fire in my life, you find a way to make sure it burns the forest down.

—Will to Terri, Vitamin D

Awesome, guys. I didn't know you had it in you. It's like somebody slipped something into your juice boxes.

—Will, Vitamin D

[On why he flunked several of Sue's Cheerios, thus making them academically ineligible for the squad] I have a Spanish quiz in which one of your cheerleaders misspelled her name, and answered every question with a drawing of a sombrero!

—Will, Throwdown

Your commitment to football is about as long as your pants.

—Will to Ken Tanaka, Mash-Up

I don’t like the way she’s looking at me. Ah, I shouldn’t have sung this song to her. Crap, she looks crazy right now.

—Will (voiceover, about Rachel), Ballad

I know it isn't always easy for you Rachel, and I know there are things about yourself you'd like to change. But you should know that there's some boy out there who's going to like you for everything you are. Including those parts of you that even you don't like. Those are gonna be the things he likes the most.

—Will to Rachel, Ballad

It's happening again. It always starts with a novelty gift.

—Will to Emma, Ballad

Finn: Why do I always have to be the bigger man?
Will: Because sometimes being special sucks.

—Will and Finn, Sectionals

Enough with the hair jokes. By the way, how is the Florence Henderson look working for you?

—Will to Sue, The Power of Madonna

Guys! That's unfair, you gotta stop doing that. But... uh... what did you find out?

—Will (about spying on Vocal Adrenaline), Theatricality

Jesse: This song should be arrested for the crime of sucking.
Will: Do you wanna bet? Hit it!

—Jesse and Will, Bad Reputation

Glee club... it's about expressing yourself to yourself.

—Will, Dream On

The Glee Club has lost its voice. It's time for us to get it back.

—Will, Dream On

Who cares what happens when we get there, when the getting there has been so much fun?

—Will to Glee Club, Journey

Life really has only one beginning and one end. The rest is just a whole lot of middle.

—Will, Journey

The hell it isn't. I love you, Emma. There, I finally said it. And you love me, dentist or no dentist, this thing isn't over between us.

—Will to Emma, Journey

They say we only sing showtunes or 80's pop. Let's show them how down we are. Let's give them the song of the year... New Directions style!

—Will (to Glee Club), Audition

Those kids went out there and poured their hearts into that performance. And how does the school repay them? By defacing the signup sheet! Buttface McBallnuts? Assbraham Lincolon? They're not even funny!

—Will to Sue, Audition

Jacob: Did you know there's a section on my blog begging you to stop rapping?
Will: Wait, kids don't like it when I rap?

—Will and Jacob, Audition

Emma: You know Will, that's your problem. You're too uptight.
Will: Oh, you're calling me uptight? The woman who buys hand sanitizer by the barrel.

—Will, Britney/Brittany

Cause the boring someone I already am wasn't good enough for you.

—Will (to Emma), Britney/Brittany

The sandwich. The dirty theater. He’s actually making her better. He’s winning!

—Will about Carl, Rocky Horror Glee Show

How did a production of Rocky Horror turn into my horror?

—Will (voiceover), Rocky Horror Glee Show

Beiste: You really think I'm pretty, Will?
Will: Inside and out.

—Never Been Kissed

(Will blindly knowing that Kurt would try to join the girls team...)
Kurt, I’m gonna say it again: boys’ team.

—Never Been Kissed

You are a beautiful, amazing woman whose heart is just too big for most men to stand.

—Will to Coach Beiste, Never Been Kissed

Terri: I did really enjoy taking care of you when you're sick.
Will: That's because you like me best when I'm weak.

—The Substitute

Puck: Mr. Schue, can we do that new Cee-Lo song, Forget You?
Mr. Schuester: Uhhh....No. Come on guys! There's GOT to be a Journey song we haven't done yet.

—The Substitute

Rachel: Mr. Schuester, I want to do something upbeat and a little more glamourous and with a really good dance beat.
Mr. Schuester: No. But I have good news! I found a Journey song we haven't done yet!

—The Substitute

This year, Glee club's going full Santa.

—Will, A Very Glee Christmas

You know what you are, Sue? You're a Grinch.

—Will to Sue, A Very Glee Christmas

Hey there sexy lady. I know that it’s late and I know that you’re taken. I’ve had a couple drinks but I have something I really really want to want to say to you. I love how you eat your lunch with your little plastic gloves and they crinkle and make the cutest sound I’ve ever heard in my life. Why don’t you pick up some wine coolers and come over here and it’ll be just one night of us just getting crazy. Let's just get crazy! So we’re really crazy rolling around in the hay, ha ha, as I was just in some hay earlier tonight. Hey, and I rode a bull and I was thinking of you.

—Will drunk dial to Emma (but was accidentally sent to Sue), Blame It on the Alcohol

Will:(to Holly in a whisper) Namaste to you too!(smiles)

—Will to Holly, Original Song

Holy shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...Sugar!!

—Will, after hearing Sugar Motta's awful interpretation of "Big Spender", The Purple Piano Project

Will: So, every day after choir practice, I am instituting a mandatory booty camp. So we can work on our dancing. Now, it's not for all of you, just the people that I think need help. Like...
Finn: Finn.
Will: How did you know?

—Will Schuester and Finn, I Am Unicorn

You're not a little girl anymore, Quinn. How long are you planning on playing the victim card? Since day one, you've done nothing but sabotage the same Glee club that's been there for you over and over again, when you got pregnant, when your parents kicked you out. You know, Mercedes even let you live in her house! And I don't recall ever hearing so much as a "thank you." And now, you're a train wreck. Well, congratulations. But you stride into my office and tell me it's my fault? Well, then I have something to say to you, grow up.

—Will Schuester to Quinn, I Am Unicorn

It's not about doing your best anymore. It's about doing better.

—Will Schuester to Mercedes, Asian F

Will: Did you know that you are extremely racist?
Rusty: Not quite.

—Will to Rusty, Asian F

It's not the broken dreams that break us. It's the ones we don't dare to dream.

—Will Schuester, Saturday Night Glee-ver