Leroy:
At words poetic, I'm so pathetic
That I always have found it best,
Instead of getting 'em off my chest,
To let 'em rest unexpressed,
I hate parading my serenading
As I'll probably miss a bar,
But if this ditty is not so pretty,

Leroy and Hiram:
At least it'll tell you how great you are.

Hiram:
You're the top! Leroy,
You're the Coliseum.

Leroy:
You're the top! Oh, baby,
You're the Louvre Museum.
You're a melody from a symphony by Strauss!

Hiram:
You're a Bendel bonnet,

Leroy:
A Shakespeare's sonnet,
You're Mickey Mouse! (hahahahaha!)

Hiram:
You're the Nile,

Leroy:
You're the Tower of Pisa,

Hiram:
You're the smile

Leroy:
On the Mona Lisa
I'm a worthless check,

Hiram:
A total wreck,

Leroy and Hiram:
A flop!
But if, baby, I'm the bottom you're the top!

Hiram:
You're the top, Leroy!

Leroy:
You're Mahatma Gandhi, Hiram!

Hiram:
You're the top!

Leroy:
You're Napoleon Brandy.
               
Leroy and Hiram:
You're the purple light
Of a summer night in Spain,

Leroy:
You're the National Gallery,

Hiram:
You're Garbo's salary,
                
Leroy and Hiram:
You're cellophane!

Hiram:
You're sublime,

Leroy:
You're a turkey dinner!

Hiram:
You're the time,

Leroy:
Of a Derby winner!
I'm a toy balloon that’s fated soon to pop!

Leroy and Hiram:
But if, baby, I'm the bottom,
But if, baby, I'm the bottom,
You're the top!
You're the top!

Leroy:
You're an arrow collar

Hiram:
Leroy, You're the top!
You're a Coolidge dollar,

Leroy and Hiram:
You're the nimble tread
Of the feet of Fred Astaire,

Leroy:
You're an O'Neill drama,

Hiram:
You're Whistler's mama!

Leroy:
You're camembert.

Hiram:
You're a rose,
You're Inferno's Dante,

Leroy:
You're the nose,
On the great Durante.

Hiram:
I'm just in the way,
As the French would say,

Leroy and Hiram:
"de trop"!
But if, baby, I'm the bottom,
But if, baby, I'm the bottom,
But if, baby, I'm the bottom,
You're the top!

Leroy:
You're a Waldorf salad.

Hiram:
You're just the top!
You're a Berlin ballad.

Leroy:
You're the boats that glide
On the sleepy Zuider Zee,

Hiram:
You're an old Dutch master,

Leroy:
You're Lady Astor,

Hiram:
Baby, you're broccoli!

Leroy:
You're romance,
You're the steppes of Russia,

Hiram:
You're the pants, (purr), on a Roxy usher,

Leroy and Hiram:
I'm a broken doll, a fol-de-rol, a blop,
But if, baby, I'm the bottom,
But if, baby, I'm the bottom,
But if, baby, I'm the bottom,
You're the top!